It's one of the most common issues to plague a healthy relationship. She's just getting fired up, and he's already firing away. What the hell just happened? No woman finds satisfaction in a sexual encounter that involves six thrusts and a kiss goodnight. And you've probably heard this one before: “I swear this has never happened before.”
Wait, is he actually suggesting that you're the cause of his sexual ineptitude? If you're trying to build a meaningful relationship with a two-pump chump, perhaps you've even spent some time analyzing how you might be the problem. “Was I too enthusiastic?” “Should I not have started with oral sex?” “Was I too wet?” Well, if you have second-guessed yourself with these or any other concerns, let me put your mind at ease: It's not your fault.
The Real Reasons for His Problem
Premature ejaculation is a male problem. As guys, we tend to deal with our shame by deflecting it, so we'll come up with any excuse necessary to deny the reality of the situation. As the research notes, the reasons for P.E. vary. They include performance anxiety, hormone imbalance, prostate inflammation and sexual addiction. Of the four reasons I just outlined, the last three can be chocked up to too much masturbation. But performance anxiety is a bit more difficult to remedy.
And although several possibilities exist, the causes all have one thing in common: They all originate with the man. If you find yourself dissatisfied with your five-minute sexual trysts, you're probably wondering how to improve it. After all, P.E. may be his fault, but you're the one who has to suffer the consequences.
Finding a Reasonable Solution
The first thing you need to do is sit down and have the awkward conversation that you have been dreading. Tell him, much like Mick Jagger did with the Stones, that you can't get no satisfaction--at least not with rapid-fire sex. Encourage him to spend time on the foreplay, which allows you to become adequately stimulated before he gets going. Ask him to masturbate a couple of hours before having sex, in order to tone down his excitement level during intercourse.
If the problem persists, encourage him to take a natural herbal remedy formulated for premature ejaculation. Performance anxiety usually fades as a man becomes more secure in the relationship, but if the P.E. symptoms continue, internal problems, such as an excess of inflammatory hormones causing stress to the prostate, need to be addressed.
Sex is a two-way street (or a three-way street, if you're into that sort of thing). If one partner is having a miserable time, you can bet that both partners are having a miserable time. One partner's non-orgasm is another partner's shame and embarrassment. So talk it out, not just for you, but for the both of you.
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