Am I Asexual? What It Means When Your Desire is Gone

This young woman has no desire for sex. Her first sexual experience was against her will, and resulted in no pleasure. When she does have sex, there is only pain. Why is this happening, and what can be done about it?

Case #: 1664

Concern：

I'm a 20-year-old girl and I lost my virginity when I was 18-years-old. I didn't really want to, but my boyfriend really wanted to have sex, so I did it for his sake. I really have no interest in sex; I don't even get horny. Whenever I have sex I seem to feel the opposite; pain instead of pleasure. I am now interested in why I only feel pain and not pleasure. Is there anything I can do about this? Maybe I can start getting horny and wanting to have sex. Whatever it takes, I want to try it.

Discussion：

How horrible that sex isn’t enjoyable for you! And how unfortunate that your first sexual experience was for another’s pleasure and not your own. I can’t tell you from how many other young ladies I’ve heard the same situation. In my opinion, society has created an unsafe arena for women to grow into their sexuality.

Solo Too?

It is my idea that because you have never had a positive sexual experience, you find it hard to become aroused in a sexual situation. This is completely reasonable. But do you never become aroused, or desiring of sexual sensation, on your own—free from the thought of another person? It’s one thing to not be aroused when there are two partners involved, it’s another to never have any desire for orgasm or pleasure whatsoever.

You Need Mr. T(estosterone)

If this is the case, I feel that you are most likely low in testosterone. Testosterone controls libido and arousal in women. Without it, you will never seek out or desire sex on your own. It will be as though you are without a sex drive. And when you are unable to achieve arousal, your body cannot properly prepare for sex, making the action—when it does occur—a painful process in more than one way.

Missing A Few Steps

If you never become aroused, your body is missing many of the key ingredients for enjoyable sex. During the arousal stage, your vagina lubricates, your clitoris, labia and g-spot swell with blood, and your breast, areola, and nipple tissue engorges as well. Without this, not only will sex be hard and dry, but you will also be left with a lack of sensation from your clitoris—the most important organ in sexual satisfaction. This is why sex is painful for you. None of the processes are happening that would give you a good time in bed.

Chemical Healing

So, what’s to be done? I recommend two things. The first thing is to begin using a testosterone cream—these are applied directly to the genitals, and minutely increase your testosterone levels, increasing your libido and desire over time. The second thing that can help you is to try L-Arginine. This is an amino acid that is changed into Nitric Oxide inside the body. NO expands blood vessels, allowing quicker, stronger sexual response and much improved sexual sensation.

Try using this supplement for a few weeks, and see if it increases your libido any. L-Arginine definitely does improve sensation—I know whereof I speak, in this matter—and is an easy way to kick up your desire and satisfaction in bed. (TRY: Herbal Formula for Sensitivity Boost) If I were you, I would also consider talking to someone (a professional) about how you feel about sex. I think having sex under such circumstances as you do is bound to negatively affect your psyche, and therefore your sexual enjoyment. Good luck with everything!

What to do

Arginine For Better Female Sexual Sensitivity

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