Broken and in Need of Repair: His Wife’s Libido is Unaccountably Low

He’s inquiring of his wife’s low sex drive, which seems to be waning more and more. Her condition has no obvious explanation, and when he tries to ask her about it, she brushes off his questions. Now, more than ever, he’s searching for a fix so they can once more enjoy wedded bliss.

Case #: 1761

Concern：

Something strange has happened to my wife. She has a really low sex drive, and she never wants to have sex. She seems to be stressed all the time, or something like that. I have confronted her about this problem, and she doesn’t think there is anything wrong with her. She thinks her sex drive is the same as before. I know this is not true because we used to have sex at least twice a day, sometimes more. Whenever I ask if she wants to have sex, she’ll tell me to go masturbate instead. I don’t know what to do anymore because this is my wife, and of course I love her. I wouldn’t ask for any other woman in the world, but I don’t want this problem. We are only 28 years old, and I don’t think any 28-year-old couple should be dealing with this.

Discussion：

A woman’s mind and body can be strange territory if you don’t know with what you’re dealing. The first thing you need to know is you’re not the only young couple battling low libido. Millions of married people of all ages have to cope with this. Sometimes it is the result of natural differences between a man and woman. According to a 2013 article in The Atlantic, men think about sex more often and have double the sexual urges than women. Simply put, biology accounts for some disparities between male and female libido.

Women also perceive sex differently. Many of them crave the love and intimacy that intercourse creates, while men seek physical pleasure. Armed with this knowledge, you can see how some marriages suffer from a lack of sex. This problem can be remedied, but it will take both of you to do so.

The Mind Game of Sex

To the casual observer, sex seems straight forward. But here’s some insight to your wife and women in general: her arousal depends upon a number of factors, especially her state of mind. If she’s had a bad day, hates her hair or isn’t happy with her weight, chances are she’ll not want intercourse.

Stress also zaps sexual energy. Think about all the roles a person plays in a given day: sibling, colleague, spouse, parent, caregiver, chauffer, and cook are a few examples. For some women, tossing lover into this mix can tip the scales from slightly imbalanced to completely off-kilter.

To really understand stress, you need to know it is more than an emotion. Stress actually produces a rush of hormones in the brain that, in limited amounts, can be beneficial. They improve concentration, increase heart rate and even prepare the muscles for rapid motion.

Long-term stress, on the other hand, puts a strain on vital organs and induces mental and physical fatigue. If your wife has a high-pressure job or carries multiple responsibilities between work and home, she might be overstressed. Unfortunately, this means you also suffer by way of her low libido.

When Love Becomes a Burden

It’s no secret that men and women are expected to be sexpots. The media overloads our senses with visions of perfect bodies and faces – more often than not, visions completely unattainable for the average person. Women who feel they cannot meet society’s expectations respond by turning away from sex. They’re not confident with their bodies so they withdraw sexually.

The added pressure of having to be sexy and enjoy sex can take a toll on libido. One of the most proactive steps you can take in your marriage is to stop asking your wife if she wants intercourse. This question has likely been asked a number of times, each with the same result. We recommend you instead ask if your wife needs help around the house. Also encourage her to make time for herself and relax with a book, exercise class or other enjoyable activity.

A Different Way to Relax: Erotic Massage

Another great way to take it easy is with massage. Research has proven human touch helps alleviate stress, reduce worry and improve general well-being. Giving your wife a good rub might be the best means to ease her angst.

An even better massage, one sure to light a romantic fire, is erotic massage. This is slightly different from traditional touching in that it focuses on the entire body, including erogenous zones. Add an edible candle to this sensual experience and slowly lick the wax from her body – you’ll revel as the sexual tension builds and you both long for release. (TRY: Passion Boosting Candle Massage)