Stopping the Long-Suffering Drought

She has been married twice and hasn’t garnered sexual satisfaction from either partner. The problem isn’t with her husbands, but rather is with her. She’s masturbated regularly since the age of 14 and has desensitized her clitoris. In addition, the process of making love doesn’t appeal because she’s used to the instant gratification of masturbation. She needs a break from self-pleasure and a renewal remedy for her clitoris.

Case #: 921

Concern：

From about the age of 14, I discovered that by keeping my legs crossed and squeezing my thighs together I could achieve orgasm. Most of the time, my right leg was held over the left. I did this almost every day until I was married to my first husband at age 22. Until that time, I had NEVER experienced orgasm any other way. But what was worrisome was that I felt absolutely NOTHING while receiving oral sex. It felt more like a nuisance than pleasure. I tried to practice giving myself physical massage or masturbating using my fingers/hands, but with NO success.

At 22, I began having some orgasms when on top of my husband and rocking forward and back. It took about 20 to 30 minutes of this, which was way too long. His penis was slightly curved upward and to the left. I got divorced at age 29 and lost 70 pounds. For about 1-1/2 years, I began squeezing my thighs together two to three times per week. Then I got remarried and, of course, I still feel nothing when getting oral. No pleasure whatsoever, despite hours of trying different things. No orgasms during intercourse, even while on top, and I have resorted to squeezing my thighs as part of our lovemaking. It is extremely frustrating, and I feel so deficient “down there.” I feel nothing, and my husband is very capable. One thing I do notice is that I feel a very slight stimulation when exercising using the inner thigh machine. Please help.

Discussion：

Yours’ is a classic case of too much of a good thing. Masturbation is a great way to experience sexual pleasure even when you’re not in a relationship. It’s safe and helps you explore your own body to learn what does and does not feel good.

But indulging in daily masturbation achieves only two things: it sexually exhausts your body and renders your clitoris insensitive. This is why you now have difficulty achieving orgasm. You have to remember that although sexual stimulation feels good, the body was designed to only take so much. Most experts recommend masturbation at a rate of just two times per week; anything in excess can become problematic not only for your body, but also your mind.

The Most Sensitive Part of the Body: The Clitoris

A woman’s body is unique in that it contains the clitoris, a tiny organ designed for nothing more than stimulation. Its only task is to provide pleasure. As such, it’s easy to get carried away.

The clitoris is an organ so sensitive that a hood helps protect it from daily wear and tear. It contains thousands of nerve endings concentrated in a small area. To understand overstimulation of the clitoris, imagine rubbing the same spot over and over on your hand. That area would eventually become raw, and rubbing it would evoke pain rather than pleasure. The clitoris is similar but, because it contains so many nerve endings, is even more sensitive.

What’s happened to your body is a process known as desensitization. Your nerve endings are temporarily damaged, which accounts for the irritation you spoke of with regard to oral sex. Masturbation is different from sexual intercourse in that you’re pleasing yourself. Because you know your body best, you also know what feels good and likely focus only on that task. In your case, you have devoted all of your sexual energies on your clitoris and now must give it a much-needed break.

Minding the Mental Components of Sex

Sex isn’t just about physical pleasure. It’s about building mental arousal so that you want to be stimulated. The fact that you can still squeeze your thighs and achieve orgasm means your genitals are not defunct. The more likely culprit is that you’ve grown accustomed to the instant gratification afforded by masturbation. During that act, you have nobody else to please and don’t need to endure lengthy lovemaking sessions or bothersome foreplay. You’re probably a little bored with intercourse and just want to cum rather than enjoy your husband’s closeness.

You can overcome this by, again, taking a break from masturbation. Even if that means going without orgasm for a short spell, it’s important to change the way you look at sex. Revel in the warmth of your husband’s arms and find ways to please him rather than yourself. Once you start to appreciate intercourse, you must learn to let go of all your thoughts. In time you’ll be surprised by the meaningfulness of an orgasm with your husband versus that of masturbation.

Help Your Body Heal

None of this is to say that intercourse shouldn’t give you pleasure. Of course it should, and you can make that happen by giving your body a little TLC. What you specifically need right now is an herbal remedy to restore sensitivity to your clitoris. (TRY: Clitoral Renewal Remedy for Stronger Orgasms) Herbs have the ability to repair damaged nerve endings, encourage healthy tissue growth and balance hormones for normal sexual responses. Your marriage will flourish, and you’ll have more confidence, as you start to regularly orgasm during sex with your husband.